Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Scattered Thoughts - a final pre-marriage post

What a day! We are now earning HUGE checkmarks (thank you, Mrs. Peek) on the to-do list. Programs, check. Packed, check. Stuff moved to my parents' house. Fun, too. We went to a sweet little princess party for Anna Kate and then Dustin and I went out with Michael and Julie to a fun Mexican food hole-in-the-wall place that was yummy. We had a blast!

Dustin and I are thrilled that we are almost (technically here in a few minutes) 3 days out. I sit here on the floor of my empty room at the Stones' and kind of reflect as yet another season comes to an end. Usually you just jump from season to season, or in my case, from house to house (I've been somewhat of a nomad these last few years), but this one brings HUGE change. We were talking about how if, in fact, your ministry/relationship with your spouse should come even before your children, then this is indeed the second most important relationship in your life (if you are a Christian). This logically makes your wedding day definitely in the running for the second most IMPORTANT day of your life, second only to conversion. When all of the hustle and bustle of wedding planning blows by (some girls live for this stuff, but it's just not quite my thing, though much of it is a blast), you sit and go... wow, this is HUGE. Insecurities may even attack if you really stop long enough to examine the weightiness of it all. How on earth are we, selfish beings, going to love and serve the other person, according to our Biblical roles, even on days when life HITS! (Grace and diligent obedience, that's how...) So, I'm trying to keep this in my thinking. Right now, we are on top of the world!!! Three days until so many things.... so much to look forward to! We are so stinkin' in love that we could just stare at each other for a year and call it the best year of our lives. :) But... we know ourselves to be human, people, sinners, REAL. And I can't help but wonder how we will react when marriage is not so "giddy" (for lack of better terms). When the cake is gone and the honeymoon is over...

Sweet Dustin and I had a great conversation about this tonight. Your vows aren't something to take lightly. They are vows... solemn, serious, permanent, binding. Right? May the Lord give us grace to think HARD about what we are about to do. Have a wedding? Yes and no. That will come and go... rather quickly it seems. Have a honeymoon? Sounds great, but it'll be over in a week. Do life together? Yup. Pray for us that the Lord would give us grace to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit to one another, to pray for and with each other, to love, to laugh, to hold, to mess up together, to confess sin, to forgive, to learn, to grow, to live. We are extremely excited. I'm just one of those people that when I close one chapter of life, I look back and think, think, think. I did that at the end of teaching last year - regretting, examining, analyzing, wondering. I look back and ahead tonight, while looking around my empty little room and sitting on the floor since our desk is at my parents'... and think about how much the Lord has done! How I deserved wrath and on a smaller scale, I deserved God to somehow give up on me during faithless seasons, but He remained faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. He has healed, helped, provided for, taught me... He has loved me with an everlasting love. He has given me such rich friendships, some of which we enjoyed even tonight! He has given health, joy, food, jobs... He has given Himself.

I just feel like I'm so ungrateful. Ever feel like that? Like a spoiled American somewhat like the 9 lepers who "forgot" to go back and thank the Lord who so graciously healed them. I remember valleys. I remember praying for, waiting for certain things. Hoping in the unseen. Or... not hoping. Losing hope. Forgetting. Scripture is so full of this mandate to remember. To stop in your tracks and choose to remember what God has done.

I'm crazy in love with Dustin Butts, my "almost husband"... but I want to distinguish between the "just giddy" part of it (which there's no way around.. it's just so stinkin' fun right now) and the real, lasting, joy that springs first from knowing and being known by the Father and only then will lead to godly love within our marriage.

I don't know if I'm making sense. I haven't slept much. Not that there's anything to be pumped about...

To you, my family and friends, most of you that read this (unless you just stumble upon this from random links) are dear friends. Please pray for us as we make VOWS. Serious vows. Not just giddy vows. Although this was a "whirlwind romance" (as a lady I know recently called it), we wanted all along to not be flippant about it. American dating culture says do what feels good.. if it doesn't work out, break up, you can play with people's hearts, give your heart (and purity) to whoever, whenever, without any responsibilities, but we wanted so much to "figure out" how to do it right. Don't think we magically did that. But just hear my scattered thoughts and as you contemplate the seriousness of marriage, do keep us in your prayers as we approach this exciting yet very serious day. Not to sound cliche, but it's really not about us. It's just not. Life. Marriage. It just doesn't revolve around us. And it's wonderful and sanctifying and as a dear friend told me, every bit as much wonderful as sanctfiying/hard, but also every bit as much sanctifying as wonderful.

Anyway. See you... soon, I hope! :)

Last Blog post until... well, definitely not until a few weeks from now!!! Maybe we'll join blogs or something. Who knows? :P

Jamie Moore, but not for long.

P.S. A special word to Slade and Laura, who mentioned jokingly that they are rather envious of us being this close to the special day. Hang in there! Do try and enjoy it. Because you think it's dragging on (and it is, we feel like we've been engaged for 2 years) but then it's suddenly here. Enjoy your family and friends and each other. Word hard to get the to-do's to-done :P and trust the Lord to guard you and help you as you wait, wait, wait for that day that truly is not so very far away. Love you!


Rebekah said...

Oh, my sweet, sweet Jamie!!! How the Lord has blessed you! He's not only given the physical, wonderful gift of Dustin, soon-to-be-husband, but He's graced you with insite and wisdom. You are always such an encouragement to me with your focus on the spiritual ramifications of every step of our lives. I hope that you will continue this blog and continue to share these things with your waiting readers!!!

I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to be at the wedding...maybe things will change, but for now, I can't plan on it. I will so miss being a small part of your big day, but please know that my thoughts and prayers will be with you and Dustin as you speak those VOWS.

They are an awesome responsibility, but our God is gracious to uphold His weak servants and enable them to walk together through life. I know as you and Dustin seek the Lord's preeminence in your marriage that though the "giddy" times are not for always, you will move on to even more precious depths in your relationship. (I know it seems impossible right now that things will be even better, more intence, but it is true!) Marriage starts with "whirlwind romance" but continues on to a deep, abiding love that, with God's help and grace, carries you through those "worse" times.

Keep your eyes on your Saviour, Jamie!!! He is your Sustainer for the times ahead-- good times, precious times, heart-wrenching times, sad times and just plain, every-day times!!! This God we serve is SO faithful!! He goes with you into this new chapter of your life!

I love you, girl! Try to keep in touch! I will miss you, but then, I mis you now! I'll expect a full report on the wedding and the settling into marriage! :)

By His grace and for His glory,

PS~ This is me giving you a HUGE hug!!!! Sorry it can't be a real one!

Betsy (Luby) Morrison said...

Precious, Precious! I've been thinking about how many years we've known each other and how much everyone has changed and grown-up and is married, with children, or moved far away. I'm so happy to be able to see you get married and be a part of that special day. You are going to be beautiful! Let's celebrate! =)Ah, I'm probably going to cry on Saturday!

Laura said...

thanks jamie. love you BOTH so much.

got a little sad about missing a party for anna kate. we are soooooo pumped to see them as well!

look forward to seeing you friday. praying for y'all.

Yu said...

I am praying for you both! You are such a blessing and I love you so much! Thinking of you!

Vivi said...

Sweet sis! Can't wait to see you Saturday! Wow! CLOSE! Seeing you in such beautiful array will remind me of being the Bride of Christ, and how HE is Altogether Lovely! "The bride eyes not her garments, but her dear bridegroom's face; I will not gaze at glory, but on my King of Grace." Looking forward to reading all about the lessons that marriage will teach you. He is faithful, isn't He? I love you, dear one!
Yours and His,

mindy said...

Here at camp we are praying for you. We have lifted it up a few times as a staff, and I know individually people are praying for you guys too. It is a union between two beloved siblings in Christ. The body has another reason to rejoice this weekend. I love you both dearly.


Brother Hank said...

"He has given Himself."

You couldn't have said it better if you tried.

Amen, and enjoy the married life.