What a day! We are now earning HUGE checkmarks (thank you, Mrs. Peek) on the to-do list. Programs, check. Packed, check. Stuff moved to my parents' house. Fun, too. We went to a sweet little princess party for Anna Kate and then Dustin and I went out with Michael and Julie to a fun Mexican food hole-in-the-wall place that was yummy. We had a blast!
Dustin and I are thrilled that we are almost (technically here in a few minutes) 3 days out. I sit here on the floor of my empty room at the Stones' and kind of reflect as yet another season comes to an end. Usually you just jump from season to season, or in my case, from house to house (I've been somewhat of a nomad these last few years), but this one brings HUGE change. We were talking about how if, in fact, your ministry/relationship with your spouse should come even before your children, then this is indeed the second most important relationship in your life (if you are a Christian). This logically makes your wedding day definitely in the running for the second most IMPORTANT day of your life, second only to conversion. When all of the hustle and bustle of wedding planning blows by (some girls live for this stuff, but it's just not quite my thing, though much of it is a blast), you sit and go... wow, this is HUGE. Insecurities may even attack if you really stop long enough to examine the weightiness of it all. How on earth are we, selfish beings, going to love and serve the other person, according to our Biblical roles, even on days when life HITS! (Grace and diligent obedience, that's how...) So, I'm trying to keep this in my thinking. Right now, we are on top of the world!!! Three days until so many things.... so much to look forward to! We are so stinkin' in love that we could just stare at each other for a year and call it the best year of our lives. :) But... we know ourselves to be human, people, sinners, REAL. And I can't help but wonder how we will react when marriage is not so "giddy" (for lack of better terms). When the cake is gone and the honeymoon is over...
Sweet Dustin and I had a great conversation about this tonight. Your vows aren't something to take lightly. They are vows... solemn, serious, permanent, binding. Right? May the Lord give us grace to think HARD about what we are about to do. Have a wedding? Yes and no. That will come and go... rather quickly it seems. Have a honeymoon? Sounds great, but it'll be over in a week. Do life together? Yup. Pray for us that the Lord would give us grace to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit to one another, to pray for and with each other, to love, to laugh, to hold, to mess up together, to confess sin, to forgive, to learn, to grow, to live. We are extremely excited. I'm just one of those people that when I close one chapter of life, I look back and think, think, think. I did that at the end of teaching last year - regretting, examining, analyzing, wondering. I look back and ahead tonight, while looking around my empty little room and sitting on the floor since our desk is at my parents'... and think about how much the Lord has done! How I deserved wrath and on a smaller scale, I deserved God to somehow give up on me during faithless seasons, but He remained faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. He has healed, helped, provided for, taught me... He has loved me with an everlasting love. He has given me such rich friendships, some of which we enjoyed even tonight! He has given health, joy, food, jobs... He has given Himself.
I just feel like I'm so ungrateful. Ever feel like that? Like a spoiled American somewhat like the 9 lepers who "forgot" to go back and thank the Lord who so graciously healed them. I remember valleys. I remember praying for, waiting for certain things. Hoping in the unseen. Or... not hoping. Losing hope. Forgetting. Scripture is so full of this mandate to remember. To stop in your tracks and choose to remember what God has done.
I'm crazy in love with Dustin Butts, my "almost husband"... but I want to distinguish between the "just giddy" part of it (which there's no way around.. it's just so stinkin' fun right now) and the real, lasting, joy that springs first from knowing and being known by the Father and only then will lead to godly love within our marriage.
I don't know if I'm making sense. I haven't slept much. Not that there's anything to be pumped about...
To you, my family and friends, most of you that read this (unless you just stumble upon this from random links) are dear friends. Please pray for us as we make VOWS. Serious vows. Not just giddy vows. Although this was a "whirlwind romance" (as a lady I know recently called it), we wanted all along to not be flippant about it. American dating culture says do what feels good.. if it doesn't work out, break up, you can play with people's hearts, give your heart (and purity) to whoever, whenever, without any responsibilities, but we wanted so much to "figure out" how to do it right. Don't think we magically did that. But just hear my scattered thoughts and as you contemplate the seriousness of marriage, do keep us in your prayers as we approach this exciting yet very serious day. Not to sound cliche, but it's really not about us. It's just not. Life. Marriage. It just doesn't revolve around us. And it's wonderful and sanctifying and as a dear friend told me, every bit as much wonderful as sanctfiying/hard, but also every bit as much sanctifying as wonderful.
Anyway. See you... soon, I hope! :)
Last Blog post until... well, definitely not until a few weeks from now!!! Maybe we'll join blogs or something. Who knows? :P
Jamie Moore, but not for long.
P.S. A special word to Slade and Laura, who mentioned jokingly that they are rather envious of us being this close to the special day. Hang in there! Do try and enjoy it. Because you think it's dragging on (and it is, we feel like we've been engaged for 2 years) but then it's suddenly here. Enjoy your family and friends and each other. Word hard to get the to-do's to-done :P and trust the Lord to guard you and help you as you wait, wait, wait for that day that truly is not so very far away. Love you!